Grow Up! It’s Time To Take Control Of Your Life

Grow Up! It’s Time To Take Control Of Your Life

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​To grow up, you have to take responsibility for your life

Have you ever had one of these days?

“I’m so tired of life.”

“I’m a Junior in college, and for some reason, I’m still in bed at 2.32pm on a Tuesday eating Lucky Charms out of a mug…with a fork”.

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“I’m so tired of this neighborhood. All people do around here is gossip and make up lies about me.” (I’m sure Phaedra would be proud).

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You know what I’m talking about. The days where you don’t want to get out of bed. You feel hopeless and, that no matter what, things aren’t going to go your away.

You need to grow up.

Ohhh…tough love. But that’s why you love me.

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Before you throw away this article and dig your fork back into your mug, I’m going to let you know that this is…

Completely your fault.

Hahaha…hold on. Help is here!

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How to grow up and take responsibility

These 2 facts right here are going to change your entire life for the better. You hear (or, you read)!

Be sure to read the other post I wrote about responsibility: 4 Ways To Take Responsibility For Yourself

Own up to every choice you have taken, what the result of that choice has been and how it impacts you today.

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Own up to every choice you have taken, what the result of that choice has been and how it impacts you today. Click To Tweet

(Own up like we’re waiting for Fetty Wap to own up to whether Dreamdoll’s baby is his).

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Realise that we’re talking about choices YOU have made. Some of us didn’t get a chance to make choices. Some of us didn’t choose to grow up in foster care. Some of us didn’t choose to lose our homes because of hurricanes and floods. Some of us didn’t choose to lose our loved ones when we needed them the most.

 

michael jordan basketball GIF by GIPHY CAM

The good news is that, if you’re reading this, you’ve made it through all of these trials and you are stronger now for it. And if you’re not through it yet, you’re getting there. Trust me.

And here are 3 things you can do today to make sure you make the most of tomorrow. (Corny, but I like it).

1.  Decide When You’re Going to Get Up

Pick a time. Stick with it. This doesn’t have to be crazy like 4 or 5 am. Pick a time that you will get up to grind towards your dreams and stick with it.

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2. Plan Your Dreams Backwards

Write down all of the dreams you have. To be an NY Times Bestseller. Open your own restaurant. Lose 50lbs. Whatever it is, write it down. Then ask yourself some questions. How long will this take? What skills do you need? Who can help you? What small milestones do you need to achieve your goal?

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3. Make A Schedule

You don’t always have to be a strong person; you have to be a consistent person. Your schedule, geared towards your dream, is strong enough for you.

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You don’t always have to be a strong person, you have to be a consistent person. Your schedule, geared towards your dream, is strong enough for you. Click To Tweet

Once you take ownership of your life, you can change anything in your life!

Braxton Family Values Twerk Gif GIF by WE tv

Do you know someone who could benefit from reading this post? What are your thoughts on this? Share in the comments below.

Caste System – The Case of Colorism

Caste System – The Case of Colorism

“You’re pretty…for a dark-skinned woman.”

“OMG! A black woman with green eyes!”

“Wow, your hair is so nice and long – what are you mixed with?”

Colorism is a toxic ideal which has ingrained itself in many cultures throughout the world. Some may argue its relevance but, this conversation keeps rearing its ugly-as-all-get-out head.

Whether it’s Kodak Black and his preferences…

…or Hazel E’s Twitter meltdowns.

So, what is colorism?

Colorism is having prejudiced attitudes and/or discriminating against someone based on the shade or tone of their skin. People of different races may have the same skin tones. Cardi B is a black girl from the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico, and she has the same skin tone as Rita Ora who is a white girl from Kosovo.

Colorism is having prejudiced attitudes and/or discriminating against someone based on the shade or tone of their skin. People of different races may have the same skin tones. Click To Tweet

Cardi…

Rita…

At the same time, people of the same race may have different skin tones. Beyoncé and Lupita are both gorgeous black women with different skin tones.

 

Beyoncé…

 

Lupita…

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How did we end up with the idea of colorism in our society?

Colorism is experienced all the time across all races, cultures and continents. Whatever is closest to ‘whiteness’ – regardless of your race – is the best in society.

 

And, how the heck did we get to that messed up idea?

Let’s go waaaaay back.

 

Stemming back centuries, colonization by white Europeans created these ‘standards’ and societal norms. Anything close to straight hair, white skin, and light colored eyes was the most civilized, intelligent, beautiful, wealthy and powerful. There were rights and privileges strictly for whites and the closest you were to white, the better privileges you had.

Paper bag test, anyone?

C’mon somebody! The doll test?

 

This disgusting system of judging someone’s worth based on the color of their skin is still taken to its extremes today.

Bleaching creams are a multibillion-dollar industry. Our music videos and lyrics tell us that light is ‘in’ and dark is ‘out’. Celebrities we admire succumb to this form of internalized racism.

Bleaching creams are a multibillion-dollar industry. Our music videos and lyrics tell us that light is ‘in’ and dark is ‘out’. Celebrities we admire succumb to this form of internalised racism. Click To Tweet

Is Lil’ Kim even recognizable these days?

But, it’s not limited to the entertainment industry – women with darker skin tones get longer prison sentences for the same crime. I repeat. For the same crime.

 

We go on dates with guys and are told we are pretty because we are light-skinned or we are pretty despite being dark-skinned. We are encouraged to get with someone lighter so our kids will be lighter. We get looked over for relationships because ‘light-skinned girls are too high maintenance’ or dark-skinned girls are ‘too ugly, bitter, and jaded’. Our young girls and women are being fed B.S. from other men and women about what they can do to not get ‘too dark’; “Stay out of the sun” or “use this ‘special’ cream”.

And, there is hurt on both sides.

 

“You have privileges that I will never have because you are light-skinned”.

“I was never black enough to hang with the black kids and have felt like an outcast my whole life”.

This internal battle within our own communities is something that needs to be discussed more and vilified as the harmful mindset which it is. Young women and men need to be re-taught what it means to have a lighter and darker skin tone. And that is…

Nothing.

People of all shades and tones are civilised, intelligent, beautiful, wealthy and powerful. And remember, you can only be accepted by other people if you learn to accept and love you for who you are. Focus on you, love you…first!

What do you think? Have you been affected by colorism? Let me know in the comments.

c

 

Domestic Abuse – Love Shouldn’t Hurt

Domestic Abuse – Love Shouldn’t Hurt

“You deserved it you two-bit whore.”

“You made me do it, I saw you staring – are you sleeping with him?”

“Maybe if you had my dinner done right. Go, get some ice!”

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One thing I can tell ya is, if he’s hit you once, he WILL do it again. Of course, there will be the apologies, the excuses, and the reasons. You can imagine it right now.

The red haze.

He didn’t know any better.

You “made” him do it, but he “forgives” you.

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Please.

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And of course you may be thinking:

“Maybe if we just bring God in…?” NO!

Maybe if I stop hanging with…? NO!

Maybe if I stop wearing…? NO!

Stop the madness! You don’t need to stay in an abusive relationship.

call out reality check GIF by OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network

Unfortunately, the prevailing abuse we see in our urban fiction novels are strewn all over our headlines too. Click To Tweet

Rihanna’s battered face after Chris Brown thumped her.

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Allegations about Tamar and Vince have been swirling around for a minute now, honey.

tamar braxton love GIF by WE tv

And eeeeek, cover my ears! Nas and Kelis – say it ain’t so!

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There’s also a disproportionate number of black women staying in these abusive relationships compared with any other race. We’re gonna dive deep into the top 3 reasons why women stay and why, in particular, black women do (Yep, we’re not gonna sugarcoat anything here!).

Top 3 reasons women put up with domestic abuse:

  1. Fear

For some women, you don’t want to be alone, and you don’t know if you’ll ever find someone else again. You’re scared of ending up being a 61-year-old virgin like LeToya Jackson.

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You don’t know how you’ll survive because he handles all of the finances. What if you try to leave and he kills you?

  1. Charm

Sometimes you catch yourself remembering what it was like at the start. He’ll say or do something that’ll make it seem ‘not all that bad’ anymore. You think, ‘maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion?’

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  1. Children

That scene in Tyler Perry’s ‘For Colored Girls’ will forever be etched into my mind.

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What if he stops you from seeing your kids or worse, if he takes it out on them?

Now, top 3 reasons black women stay in abusive relationships:

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  1. Racism or Sexism – What’cha gon’ choose?

Within your own relationship, you’re choosing between protecting yourself as a woman or supporting your man who’s being beat down by the system. Look alive sista!

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You’re getting beat down too. Get gone!

  1. Our Communities

Heaven forbid this gets out! “Why’re you trying to make him look bad in front of white people?” Forget them.

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  1. You Feel Like It’s Your Only Option

Hello, call the police!

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But, how do we do that if we don’t trust them? Getting arrested for staying in your own Air BnB. And, what consequences will you face when he finds out you called for help…

Domestic abuse themes are prevalent in our novels because they’re awfully just as prevalent in our own lives. And, let’s not get it twisted, a lot of men suffer from abuse at the hands of women. And, for a black man? Well, that’s a whole other article.

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The most important thing is for you to feel safe with the person you love. Click To Tweet

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I would love to know your thoughts about this, please let me know below!

 

Love without a glove – it’s all about protection

Love without a glove – it’s all about protection

More than just hooking up

“Sex feels so much better without it”.

“It’ll just ruin the moment”.

“Don’t worry about it baby”.

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How many times have we read these lines in urban romance books?

Countless.

They’re followed up by a real good hot and heavy sex scene (ooo-la-la!)

But, wait.

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Did the couple use protection?

Did either party mention using protection? (Don’t just leave it to the fellas, ladies).

Did you even stop reading and notice?

real housewives of atlanta GIF by Yosub Kim, Content Strategy Director

Now, now, I’m not judging you because, I’m also guilty of forgetting to include condoms from time-to-time when writing an explicit scene.

cardi b ok GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

We’ve all had those WOW moments which have led us to tumbling into the bedroom without common sense and a condom. They go a little like this.

  1. This brother at the bar is looking kinda fine
  2. He’s coming over
  3. So, we’ve had a couple of drinks and my panties are already melting
  4. And, now we’re making out at the bar
  5. And, we’re making out in his car
  6. Oh, now we’ve made it into his room
  7. Ooh, I like that!
  8. Oooh crap, what just happened?!

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It happens. However, this proportionately occurs more in urban romance books than our phenomenal every day lives. Do you think it’s time for contraception to be included in our urban romances?


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I know. I know. Some of us were really looking forward to the unprotected sex scenes and the inevitable “it just happened” the next morning. Especially, when a surprise baby mama shows up later in the book and things really start getting interesting. But, unprotected sex typically has lots of consequences in our urban romances – even DEATH (dum-dum-dum!)

I realize I didn’t address this in my post: Giving it up on the first date – what’s wrong with that? Should I have?

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And let’s get real.

When unprotected sex isn’t fun anymore

There are many consequences for unprotected sex. Here are 3 main ones:

  1. STIs

You can’t tell if someone has an STI by how they look or act (or, even say). There are a lot of STIs, like HIV, which can’t be treated by antibiotics. There are even some that have NO symptoms – including chlamydia!

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2. Pregnancy

Having a baby is a serious responsibility and will change your whole world. Some of us may be in school, busy at work or planning to travel the world. Then, poof! 2 pink lines change your life foreva!

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Do you really want that guy at the bar to be the father of your child and tied to you for the next 18 years?

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3. Self-care

If YOU want your partner to wear a condom during sex then, should he respect you and your wishes? How would you feel if he refuses?

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Let’s get more real.

There are some young women who grow up in homes where sex isn’t discussed. Some of our parents tried (and failed) to give us “the talk”. And, most young women get their misinformation from friends in school, social media and – yes, you’ve got it – urban romance novels.

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All readers are clearly responsible for their own actions. Urban romance novels are just that – novels! They’re made for light reading, late nights with a glass of wine, and girl chat sessions with your besties.

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Yet, we live in a society where young women are getting illegal butt injections because of IG posts. Where young women are starting fights in school as if training for a spot on Love and Hip Hop. Do you think they may be using these novels for sex education?

I hope not, but I’m not sure.

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So, should safe sex feature more in our urban romance novels? I know one reader had a lot to say about it, read about that in my post: [Opinion] Urban Fiction Genre – A Reply to a Reader. But I want to know what you think!

Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Is It Real Love If He’s Not Yours?

Is It Real Love If He’s Not Yours?

“Do you know that even until now, I still can’t get you off my mind?”

“I’ve always wanted to do this, even back when we first met.”

“It’s so hard to control myself around you.”

These are all of the right things a woman wants to hear. A man who can’t stop thinking about you, wanting you and desiring you. Yasss!

You make him wanna leave the one he’s with and start a new relationship.

Only problem is…

He’s your best friend’s husband.

Real Love coverBuy my latest book: A Real Love. Read how this romance unfolds.

Stop the madness!

(But, shhh…let’s entertain it for a while y’all).

The “so-called” best friend who puts you down all the time, humiliates you and makes you feel worthless.

The “so-called” best friend who puts you down all the time, humiliates you and makes you feel worthless. | A Real Love by Porscha Sterling Click To Tweet

“Are you really getting that? You’re getting big ya know. Waiter, she’ll have the salad instead.”

“You’re never going to get married looking like you do now”.

My husband loves me because I keep it snatched. Get it together now!”


You can also check out another blog post I wrote: Overcome Relationship Obstacles and Stay Strong Together


The cutting remarks, “helpful” suggestions and subtle (or not-so-subtle) jabs have all taken their toll.

But, there are other reasons why women cheat with their best friend’s husband (hold on tight while we take a stroll down CRAZY-AS-ALL-GET-OUT lane):

  1. The husband is easily available

You don’t even have to try to get him. Whenever you’re over at the house he uses any excuse to touch you when she’s not looking. Why hunt for a man when there’s one right on your doorstep?

You don’t even have to try to get him. Whenever you’re over at the house he uses any excuse to touch you when she’s not looking. Why hunt for a man when there’s one right on your doorstep? | A Real Love by Porscha Sterling Click To Tweet

  1. She doesn’t deserve him

You know for a fact that she’s cheated on him multiple times before. Paired with the fact that you can’t stand how she treats you anymore – why not help him cheat?

  1. You should never have given him away

You met him first and thought that he would be perfect for your bestie – not realising you still had feelings for him! You’re just taking what’s rightfully yours.

So, let’s shake the crazy out and common sense into women who think it’s okay to cheat with their best friend’s man (even if she is a nasty piece of work!):

How you get them is how you lose them

If you’re planning to keep your best friend’s husband (provided he even divorces her), what’s to stop him from doing the same thing to you?

You will never be a priority

He slides you in whenever it is convenient for him. More importantly, when he and your gal pal aren’t gettin’ it on. Are sloppy seconds that attractive?

Honor is the currency of elevation

That’s right – a lesson to be remembered from Pastor John Gray. Let it sink in. How are you honoring yourself in this ‘entanglement’ and where do you want to go in life?

So is it ever right to cheat with your best friend’s man?

Maybe…

Giving it up on the first date – what’s wrong with that?

Giving it up on the first date – what’s wrong with that?

“You’re a slut!”

“Damn, dropping your panties on the first date? What a whore!”

“Got your legs open like a 7-11…24 hours a day!”

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Ouch.

This type of slut shaming is very common nowadays.

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Remember seeing Amber Rose crying at a slut walk? She broke down hearing Wiz Khalifa’s lyric “I fell in love with a stripper, and fell out of love quicker”.

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Or, how about seeing a sexy picture of Blac Chyna (and that IG video! Wink, wink)? Hearing judgment rain down on her from men and women ALL OVER Twitter, whilst the video was leaked without her consent!

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And, at the same time, Donna from Black Ink Crew is filmed dippin’ and doin’ it in a bathroom at a local restaurant. People chanted “Ho! Ho! Ho!” so loud, my ears were ringing.

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Well, this will be about intimacy on a whole other level. For the first time in history, women are dating without a chaperone. Amazing, right?! But, this comes with a major dilemma.

Should we give “the cookie” away on the first date?

smile GIF by Steve Harvey TV

Now, Mr Steve Harvey has famously stuck by his “90 Day Rule” where, you do not have sex within the first 90 days of dating a man. This seems like a healthy compromise for women who are afraid of the stigma that comes from having sex on the first date.

However, there are some men who have stuck around for the 90 days and, have still proceeded to hit it then quit it.

 

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And, there are some men who have had sex on the first date then, have watched the SAME woman walk down the aisle a few years later.

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The best response to this dilemma is…

Do the BEST FOR YOU!

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via GIPHY

No one has the right to tell you whether or not you should have sex on the first date or even wait until you are married. This is about your own emotional and spiritual journey.

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And, if you sighed or burst out laughing at the “waiting to married” line – that’s not cool either. Slut shaming or modesty shaming is foul on both sides.

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But, let’s talk to the women who want to get freaky.

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You’ve gone on a date with Mr. Tall-Dark-And-Handsome. The chemistry is off-the-charts from the moment you two met.

He picked you up early (CP time DOES NOT exist).

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and, in his OWN car (we don’t want NO scrub!).

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He held all of the doors for you, stood up when you stood up and you had REAL good conversation. He respects you and you like how he conducts himself.

And, at the same time…

He makes you feel desirable and sexy and makes it clear that you are HIS woman. You can’t keep your eyes off his muscle outlined by his shirt. The way he always manages to maintain physical contact with you by brushing your leg and arm. Woah! You feel like you’re on a completely different planet. And, he’s had them “eyes” on you all night (you know what I’m talking about).

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He drops you off and is waiting for a signal for you to invite him inside.

All there is to say is if YOU want to…

Go and get your bad boy!

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So… what do you think? Sex on the first date…yay or nay? Let me know in the comments.

[Opinion] Urban Fiction Genre – A Reply to a Reader

[Opinion] Urban Fiction Genre – A Reply to a Reader

A reader left her opinion on my blog post, [OPINION+VIDEO] The Urban Fiction Genre – What It Is And What It Isn’t. She has since withdrawn her comment, however, I was able to capture it. You may read her full comment here.

Below is my reply, and I would certainly welcome your comments, so please leave them below.

Contrary to how some may feel:

  • Not ALL black women enjoy wearing a black eye after asking their boyfriend to pick up after himself.
  • Not ALL black women are trying to get as many baby daddies as birthday candles they blow out each year.
  • Not ALL black women get abortions like hair salon appointments.

In fact… I don’t know too many who would say they enjoy this (or any!).

There are so many stereotypes about black women out there in the world. But what I know to be true is:

  • ALL black women are powerful.
  • ALL black women are ethereal.
  • ALL black women are unyielding.

Do we make mistakes? Hell, yes. We are human, after all! We live and learn, sometimes repeat the same mistakes and learn again. We are liberating ourselves from the societal constraints in films like: “Girls Trip”, music by my Queen: “Lemonade” and, my favorite tool for liberation?

African American Urban Fiction.

Writers, like me, use our creative license to give you an Urban Fiction storyline that you will enjoy but also learn from. These may not be the typically socially conscious book but they are still designed to uplift, inspire and inform as well as entertain readers as we illustrate the dangers of urban life. Think about books like “The Coldest Winter Ever”, “Moth to a Flame”, “Life” (yes, Bae’s book), “Midnight”, we can go on and on…

All of these traditional and early urban stories demonstrated the dangers and misfortunes of urban life and taught a lesson about the street life while also being entertaining. Some end happily and some don’t. It’s the same with the current wave of urban books.

There are reasons many love to read Urban Fiction. Are there parts which are distasteful? YES! But, the same can and should be said about other genres as well. The reality is that many of the different scenarios we shine a light on are actually true to real-life situations.

There are reasons many love to read Urban Fiction. Are there parts which are distasteful? YES! But, the same can and should be said about other genres as well. Click To Tweet
  • There ARE black women out there who utilise abortions as a form of birth control.
  • There ARE black women who glamorise lighter skin and denigrate women of a darker hue.
  • There ARE black women who take back guys who are abusive and cheat.

But guess what? It’s not just African American women. TRIFLING is not relegated to a specific color. Black, brown and white populations have trifling people in their demographic makeup. It’s not something that we own but it is a part of life that plagues people in the urban/hood areas.

TRIFLING is not relegated to a specific color. Black, brown and white populations have trifling people in their demographic makeup. Click To Tweet

The majority of urban books are framed as a cautionary tale. Plenty of books show how terrible outcomes come about because of the abortions, abuse, unprotected sex, etc. – AIDS, deaths and such included… People don’t just get off easy in our books. They pay the consequences for their actions.

Sure, there is a love story and the hero often may be someone who talks and acts reckless and may even be disrespectful but the character always shows growth from there as the series progresses… just like in any other genre.

Other genres have their negative repeat issues that circulate in their books. Take a minute to scroll through ‘mainstream’ romance novels and you’ll see that everybody over there has a ‘Christian Grey BDSM guy’ who sexually enslaves the timid, shy heroine, or a bad ass biker boy who shuns love for casual sex but eventually finds the one he can’t resist, or what about the billionaire romance where the bad ass mafia heir finds true love with the morally sound good girl he just can’t resist?

Image of a quote

Bleh.

And the way black women are represented? Some mainstream authors love to have a “blue-eyed blonde” or typical looking character type. All genres have a “type” but I think the urban authors I’ve read have been great with having a variety of physical make-ups in our books.

The truth is that Black women come in all shapes and sizes… and I’ve seen that variation in the books that I’ve read. I’ve seen that variation in the books I’ve written.

And where do we get this notion from that an ‘exotic look’ means the character is not entirely black? With all the different features that Black women have (high cheekbones, almond/slanted eyes, etc) ‘exotic’ is most definitely a description that pertains to a Black woman. A Black woman can look ‘exotic’ because she has a Jamaican, Nigerian, Trinidadian and American background… all ‘black’ areas. If you think ‘exotic’ equals ‘European’ or that Black women can’t have long hair or light eyes, YOU may be part of the problem.

And where do we get this notion from that an 'exotic look' means the character is not entirely black? With all the different features that Black women have 'exotic' is most definitely a description that pertains to a Black woman. Click To Tweet

And, let’s face it.

  • Readers love waiting for the scene where the man who claims to be in love ends up in a compromising situation with another woman.
  • Readers smile with glee while reading the scene where he comes crawling back and begs for her forgiveness.
  • Readers read with bated breath when, in frustration, he punches the wall next to her head and backs her up to the bed (yes, Nelly, It’s getting hot in here!).

 

Image of a quote - Urban Fiction Reply

And readers also love to see the characters work through the dysfunction. They love to see the victorious moment or the lesson that is learned at the end. And that’s why we are here.

What do you think? Did you read the reader’s comment on Urban Fiction? Be sure to let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

[VIDEO] How To Help Your Publishing Company Promote Your Book

[VIDEO] How To Help Your Publishing Company Promote Your Book

Proper promotion is the lifeblood of the industry and will often make or break the success of your book, no matter how good it is. Your publishing company will undoubtedly assist in the promotion of your book but understand that this by itself isn’t enough.

A major part of being and establishing yourself as an author is the promotion you consistently do surrounding your books. Here are some tried and tested tips to catapult your book promotional strategies.

Promote daily

Be proactive. You cannot sit on your laurels and assume that just because you’ll get some promotion from your publishing company that it will be sufficient. Remember that publishing companies have numerous books to promote. You may have one or two. Focus your energy on promoting your projects daily. Be consistent. The more eyes that see your promotions, the better.

 

Create a professional Facebook page

As an author, you need a business page you use daily to promote your projects. Facebook is one of the biggest social media platforms, and your potential reach as an author is greatly helped by how you use this platform. Interact with your audience and like-minded readers. Concentrate on establishing a strong brand. Don't just promote your material but be engaging. Click To Tweet Make sure to take the time to display your personality. That in itself will attract potential readers to you.

Create an Amazon Central page

Once you’ve released something on the Amazon platform, you have the ability to create a page linked to your work that has various necessary information. This is the perfect place for reader’s to go to see what else you may have written.

Create excitement

You have to generate buzz surrounding your books. You can do this by pulling pictures of what characters look like, including excerpts and blurbs, offering a giveaway, etc. There are some ways you can make your book look incredibly appealing by implementing specific promotional tactics. Be creative and be consistent. Once excitement is high, don’t let your foot off the gas.

Discover more valuable promotional tips by watching the video!

4 Ways To Take Responsibility For Yourself

4 Ways To Take Responsibility For Yourself

When a Queen finds her King, she goes from strong to invincible. Strong women have to make tough decisions that require them to use their head instead of their heart. Every strong woman knows and values the worth of her king. Soulmates never dissipate.

“Naw, I don’t wanna grow up,” you say to yourself. But, we all have to at some point.

There is a moment in all of our lives when we have to step up and take responsibility for anything and everything in our lives. Where you are is a culmination of every single decision you have made up until this point.

Don’t know where to start because …?

I have your back though. Here are 4 key ways for you to start taking responsibility in your own life.

1. Stop Making Excuses

The blame song is a really old record you need to stop playing over and over. Be brave enough to know that you owe yourself the truth. Be brave and admit it.

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2. Listen To Yourself

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Remember, when you point the finger at somebody else, there are 3 pointing straight back at ya. Click To Tweet

Remember, when you point the finger at somebody else, there are 3 pointing straight back at ya. If you find yourself saying things like “She didn’t do what she was supposed to do…” or “If only Kevin wouldn’t go buying mansions for 32-year-old masseuses…”

(Oooops Wendy), then you need to stop and think. These patterns are no good for you, and you need to stop them right away.

Learning to take responsibility for things that happen in your own life is something you can take 100% ownership of.

Learning to take responsibility for things that happen in your own life is something you can take 100% ownership of. Click To Tweet

Warning!

In a relationship, it’s something we women need to be careful about doing. Make sure you only take responsibility for things that are completely within your control and have your name on it. As you get further along in your relationship, you’re going to have to learn some things about making those tough decisions.

With your head and not your heart.

As you get further along in your relationship, you’re going to have to learn some things about making those tough decisions. With your head and not your heart. Be sure to read the post: Overcome Relationship Obstacles and Stay Strong Together

Here are 2 reminders to help you with making difficult decisions.

3. Trust Your Gut Instinct

“When ya know, ya know”. We all see women who have stayed with cheating men and we wonder “How the hell is she doing it?” Well, what if you love literally every single thing about him and it was a one-off. Some of us would go, “Damn right, I’m gone”.

It all comes down to your instinct – no matter what your head or heart say about the matter. Trust your gut. It never lets you down.

4. What Do You Value Most?

Trust. Honesty. Loyalty. Soulmate. There are so many standards and principles we have that can never be messed with. Make sure that the hard decisions you make are in line with your values.

For example, if your most important value is to stay with your King, then you’ll be able to stick with him regardless of anything. Know your values and act according to them. When you know yourself, you know what to do and what you really want.

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When you know yourself, you know what to do and what you really want. Click To Tweet

As you get fiercer and wiser, learn to hold yourself accountable and trust your intuition. Would love to hear about a time you stood strong and true to you. Let me know in the comments!

You Can’t Choose Your Family… Or Can You?

You Can’t Choose Your Family… Or Can You?

“Blood is thicker than water.”

Well, so is cornbread and fried chicken.

Family isn’t about DNA. Plenty of us have blood relatives who we never see except at Thanksgiving (and that’s cos they came for our sweet potato pie – not us, boo!).

Some of us have parents who adore us and will do anything for us. We also have family members who get on our very last nerve…

…but then we can always get it together.

 

Importantly, there are others out there with parents who may have split up and started new families. You may not feel as much of a priority as your step-siblings.

 

Many of us may have abusive parents who make your life a living hell.

Or how about those of you who have never even met your parents?

There are aunts and uncles who don’t make an effort to get to know you. When they call it’s to compare their children’s achievements to yours.

“Ohhhh, my daughter got all A’s and your girl got a B in Math. Might want to check that sista”.

Family can take any shape or size. A single mom or dad, step-families, grandparents raising their grandkids, adoptive or foster parents, and every unique setup out there.

Here are 6 qualities that you should look for in the people you choose to be your family.

Here are 6 qualities that you should look for in the people you choose to be your family. Click To Tweet

1. Communication

There are so many conversations I start when I need some advice. But if the person I’m talking to makes it about them, I know ‘they ain’t family.’ Be surrounded by people who listen to you.

2. Resilience

There will be times in your life when you need someone to step-up and be there for you. Get strong people on your team.

3. Commitment

Ensure your relationship is a top priority for the other person. Okay, so sometimes they may have something going on but, they shouldn’t stand you up all of the time or be unreliable.

If you find this a struggle, be sure to check out this post:  Overcome Relationship Obstacles And Stay Strong

4. Spiritual Wellness

If you catch yourself avoiding conversations about the Holy Ghost, reconsider who can help you be the very best version of yourself.

 

5. Appreciation

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your family should show they appreciate you and this should go both ways.

 

6. Time Together

Once or twice a year isn’t gonna cut it.

Make sure your family members are putting in the time to show up for you.

No matter what your family looks like, be proud of the family you have built and are an integral part of.

No matter what your family looks like, be proud of the family you have built and are an integral part of. Click To Tweet

You matter, and you deserve to surrounded by people who 100% believe in that.

When you have family, you have everything. Do you agree? Do you have an ‘unconventional’ family? I wanna hear all about it in the comments below.