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Why You May (Or May Not Be) Ready For Love

Why You May (Or May Not) Be Ready For Love

Have you ever heard anyone say, “life is hard” and the first thing that comes to your mind is, “Nah, ya think?”…

Some of you have been dealt a really bad hand in life.

You might be lonely, afraid, or angry all of the time. You might have situations going on with your friends or family which turned your entire world upside down. You might not even have any friends or family for this ridiculously insane journey we call life. And life can be just insane as waiting for both Tara and Amina to kick Peter to the curb!

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But seriously… as hard as life is, relationships and being in love with someone can be even harder.

We need love to be able to get through the good times as well as the bad. Click To Tweet

Because, to be honest, relationships are tough! 

And I’m not even talking about the baggage that you carry INTO a relationship based on the hurt, disappointment or attitudes that you’ve dealt with before.

Break-ups can make you feel jaded about love after experiencing disappointment the first (or second or third) time around. After multiple failures at love, it can make you ready to throw in the towel and accept that you are unlovable. After everything that has ever happened to you, you’ll start to believe that this is it–You are completely unworthy of love. There’s something wrong with you. You’ve probably had a few of your exes tell you the same thing.

But it might even be deeper than what it appears on the surface. Maybe the fact is that you aren’t yet ready to dive headfirst into a romantic relationship and you may first need to pause and assess your behavior so that you don’t create the same mistakes in love the next time around.

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You may have always been the independent woman who was making the money and taking care of a man and now that you’re with one who is his own man and makes his own money, you don’t know how to step back and let him do his thing. You may have grown up in a family where you never saw a functional, loving relationship so you have no idea how to be with someone else in a loving way (and we’re not counting what you’ve seen on TV).

You may have been abused physically, mentally, emotionally or sexually before so now you don’t know how to trust, let go and fall for someone who vows to never hurt you. Or maybe you were cheated on before so you constantly sit around and wait for your man to do something wrong. Or you accuse him of cheating so much that he begins to resent being with you and ends up cheating or leaving the relationship anyways.

Maybe you have self-esteem issues stemming from things that happened in your childhood and it makes you constantly crave the attention of others in order to be happy and satisfied in your own skin.

STOP letting these things ruin what could be a happy, fulfilling and loving relationship for you. It’s tough but you can get pass these things once you recognize that these deep-seating emotional issues are ruining your relationships (platonic as well as romantic).

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I’m here to tell you that you… Yes, YOU (imagine me pointing right at you through this post) are blessed, prosperous, accepted, forgiven, approved, in shape, attractive, redeemed, qualified, secure, victorious and… So, so DESERVING OF LOVE!

You are blessed, prosperous, accepted, forgiven, approved, in shape, attractive, redeemed, qualified, secure, victorious and… So, so DESERVING OF LOVE! Click To Tweet

So now that we know you’re ready for love, how can you tell if you’re really ready for it? Sure, everyone thinks that they are ready for love but how do you know that you’re ready for what it takes to be in a committed, fulfilling relationship?

 

Great question! Let me give you a few tips:

5 Ways You’ll Know You’re Ready for Love

1. You Really Want It

You want to fall in love so bad that it hurts. You want to have someone to wake up to and go to bed with each night. You want to say you don’t want any fries at the local diner, then reach into his plate and eat all of his. You want to have a special song which is just for you two. You want someone to sing along with in the car. You want it and you deserve it. Don’t sell yourself short by thinking that that type of life isn’t for you.

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2. You Are Honest

You have complete integrity and stay truthful in your relationships. You’re ready to settle down and commit to that one person who you expect to be there with you for life. Many people claim to want love but they aren’t ready to commit–to them, I say “STAY SINGLE!” But if you’re someone who is in the space where you’re ready to accept someone, flaws and all (as long as you can put up with them), and be the one who loves them for life, you deserve to get exactly that!

And being honest means that you also have to be honest to yourself. If you say you want a lasting relationship but you’re packing your week full of one-night stands with men you barely know, then… you may not quite be ready to settle down. You probably have some other issues to work through. No judging on my end (because we are all grown here) but if casual sex isn’t something that you really want and you find yourself doing it anyways, you’re probably looking for validation in a man which will end badly every time. Only you can validate you.

Be honest about what you want, who you want it with and make the men you choose to date either fall in line with that or move on! Click To Tweet

3. You Know Who You Are

Before being in a relationship with someone else, you have to be comfortable loving yourself. That means you need to know who you are, understand and appreciate your flaws and be totally comfortable in your own skin.

If you aren’t in love with the person you are FIRST, you’ll be stuck in the trap of trying to seek out that love and appreciation in another person. To be honest, that’s a lot of weight to put on your significant other! Whoever you’re with should love you but they can’t be your everything and be pressured with the task of always making you happy. You have to be satisfied with yourself before you reach out to love someone else and allow them to give you the love you deserve.

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4. You Have Values, Hopes and Dreams

Whether it is God, your passion, calling home once a week – you have principles that you stick to, no matter what. With any relationship, you’ll have to compromise but there are some things that you should stand firm on because these are the things that make you the person you are. You have likes, dislikes and you need to identify those things and make sure that they stay constant in your life regardless to the person you’re with. If your dream is to be an actress, an artist or an entrepreneur, seek out those things and press towards them. Don’t let your relationship define you and how you choose to live your life. Care for yourself and your own mental health, learn about yourself before being involved in someone else. If you can’t think of at least five goals, values or hopes that you have outside of a man… you may not yet be ready for love.

And lastly…

5. You Are Content Being Single

There’s someone out there who can live without you, but they don’t want to.

However, you should be in the mindset that you can live without that person as well. As I said earlier, the person you choose to live your life with cannot define you and that person cannot be the driving force behind your happiness. Therefore, before you even think about being in a romantic relationship, ask yourself this question: can YOU stand you?

If you can’t spend a few days or even weeks alone with yourself without being bored or craving the company of another then you may need to put the brakes on pulling someone into your life. Pick up a hobby, volunteer, take yourself out to the movies, binge watch s new series on Netflix, travel! There are so many things to do when you’re single that you can’t do once you start a relationship and definitely not when you begin a family. Do it now! Trust me, when a husband, kids and the responsibilities of family life come along, you’ll be thinking back on the quiet moments and the alone time wishing that you’d taken advantage of it!

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It’s natural and normal to want love and want to share your life with another but only when you’re ready for it! And if you aren’t quite there yet–don’t flip out! Enjoy the journey. You’ll be much better for it and the person who you eventually end up with will appreciate it.

Thoughts? Let me know below.

1 Comment

  • Shavon says:

    I totally agree loving someone and being in a relationship can be a little hard if you don’t have love yourself first like you said in your post and that also goes for if you are planning to become a parent.

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