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Why Are Women Accepting Bare Minimum as Bae-Material?

Why Are Women Accepting Bare Minimum as Bae-Material?

So a guy sends a text message, opens the car door for you, compliments your hair… and now you think he’s the real deal?

Should that be the default thing? Or did I miss the memo that we should really be giving a guy a standing ovation for doing all the basic stuff? Should these very minimum things really be good enough grounds for maximum praise?

Nowadays, women make a deal out of simple romantic gestures that they see on Instagram and they call them #relationshipgoals. The thing is, ‘bare minimum’ is a thing now and reflects the standards we currently have for romantic partners.

This is mostly because of the large number of guys out there who really do not put in as much effort as what should really pass for ‘relationship goals’ and so a lot of us women are currently praising things that should be basic, default and, in other words, the bare minimum. But these things should be the standard! Should you really praise a man for doing things like pulling out your chair, holding the door for you or texting you back? Really?

Now, don’t get me wrong… in a world full of men who think that having a penis makes them relationship material, it’s okay to think a man is sweet for remembering to treat a woman like a queen. But my question is,  have we let so much of our self-worth go down the drain that a guy would qualify for bae-material just for doing what he should be doing anyways? Are we settling and trying to convincing ourselves that we’re not?



You can probably look back at all the guys you’ve ever been with in your dating history and remember times when you’ve gushed over a guy for being so enchanting.

And why was that?

He looked you in the eye and told you how pretty you were, he held the door open for you and he drove you home.


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Of course we can all agree that all of that is sweet, but it’s basic sweet, just as it should be. It’s what he should do. As you get older, you realize that it takes more than that to make a good man and whether he has those traits are what makes the difference. Is he loyal? Honest? Responsible? Remember your worth and never give our discounts to anyone!

Remember your worth and never give our discounts to anyone! Click To Tweet

Let’s take a hard look at the partners we’ve allowed into our temples and our space.

Is there a realization that you gave an ‘A’ grade to many of the guys you’ve dated just because they met the minimum requirements for winning your affections? Have you let a lot of your self-worth slide?

See, there’s so much more to look out for than a guy who just does the bare minimum. Especially if you seek the kind of love that will last a lifetime. The kind that makes you feel like you’re floating in the air and everything’s perfect. You deserve that!

If you don’t think so, you might want to check out one of my blog posts: Focus on you, love you…first!

Value yourself to the point that you’ll only give attention to a man who puts in all the effort, in all its completeness. It’s time to be in a relationship that doesn’t require you to feel reduced or like you’re settling or to lose some of your voice and not be your true self just so that you can fit into the box they’ve made for you. It’s time to want a man that adores you completely, in all the right ways.

Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who’s honest and ambitious and emotionally stable and has great relationships with his family and puts good effort into his career. As a matter of fact, that’s what you should want, we totally deserve wholesome relationships.

How about some pointers to help rid yourself of the ‘bare minimum mentality’ and make sure your love life is not just half full but totally full:

Know What You Bring to The Table

Knowing what you bring to the table means knowing exactly what you are worth and how much value you can offer in a relationship. You can’t only be ready to take; you should totally be ready to give too. So let’s face it, do we hold ourselves to the same standards? Is it just the bare minimum we do for ourselves that makes us not expect more from others? Maybe if you raised the standards for yourself, you’ll attract a partner with higher standards too.

Know What Your Standards Are & Abide by Them

The moment you’re clear on what you’re bringing to the table, no one can really tell you that your standards are too high because really, they aren’t. Your standards are you knowing what you’re worth and demanding it from anyone who wants to share your time. You love yourself and you don’t need a man to be complete which means that you won’t accept just anything because you’re afraid to be alone. Knowing your worth simply means you won’t compromise on your standards and you won’t settle for less.

Have People in Your Life Who Reflect & Hold You Accountable

Let me tell you, queens recognize queens. You need to keep people around you who are self-confident and who hold themselves to high standards. These people will make sure you don’t fall and will hold you right there: at the top of your game.

Observe How Much Energy & Effort A Man Puts Into Other Things

Take the time to observe how much effort he puts into other things like his family, career and finances. Is he consciously making out time for you and going out of his way to make you happy? Personally, I’m at that point where I’m going for only what I deserve. Nothing less.

And guess what? When we speak of low and high maintenance, only a guy who’s steadily operating from a high standard would consider you low maintenance. A guy who’s operating from a low standard would always consider you high maintenance because he thinks what you’re asking for is too much, higher than what he’s used to. But oh well, that’s not your fault!

There’s really nothing wrong about wanting a man who consistently treats you just as you should be treated. Don’t let anyone blackmail you into thinking your standards are unrealistic or that you’re asking for too much just because you’re choosing to love yourself more. Now, I’m not speaking to the ones who have a laundry list of requirements (because we all know that NO ONE is perfect). But if you’re simply wanting to be with someone who can sincerely put in effort to show you that you’re worth it by being loyal, honest and uplifting, then you should get it, boo!

Knowing what you are worth means being true to yourself and allowing yourself to set the bar as high as you deserve. And that’s perfectly okay.

What are your thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!


  • Shawna says:

    I have a great father figure but my mother was a nut case. The narcissistic trauma she inflicted on me still gave me an anxious attachment style. Not all wounds are caused by our father’s and we need to stop the narrative that it’s men’s fault. Also it was my mom that kept my father out of my life for the couple of years he was absent. I wouldn’t trade that relationship for anything in the world.

  • Na says:

    Meanwhile girls will put in the bare minimum for dating and then write blogs like this.

  • Shavon says:

    Great post. This needs to shared around the world to a lot females. But some females need stop accepting the bare minimum within themselves first then they wont accept it from no man.

    • Porscha says:

      Thank you! And you made an excellent post. It’s definitely a self-esteem and a self-worth issue. If you don’t treat yourself like a queen then, of course, you’re not expecting the best from anyone else. It’s so important to KNOW your worth!

  • Allison Smith says:

    A lot of women accept the bare minimum due to have low self-esteem or not knowing their self worth. Also, women accept the bare minimum because they don’t know what the definition of a good man looks like, due to not having their father present in their life or looking for the type of man/men they see their mother settle for. So, as we get older and know our self worth and what a good man is, we have teach our daughters what to look for in a man and what to settle for.

    • Porscha says:

      This is so true! So many people don’t understand how much not having a father present affects little girls (as well as little boys but that’s another subject!). Fathers model what a good man looks like and they also feed their daughter’s self-esteem and notions of self-worth so that they don’t go looking for it in other men. It takes time for a woman to build that on her own and, by that time, a lot of damage may have already been done. Great comment, thanks so much for posting!

  • patrice says:

    Thanks. I couldnt agree more with this post. Thank you so much.

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