“He never picks his damn clothes off the floor!”
“When are you going to grow up?”
“I ain’t your mama!”
Do you ever get the feeling that even though you signed up to be a girlfriend/fiancée/wife that what you ended up being is a glorified mama to your man? It’s frustrating, it’s annoying and… quite frankly, it’s not what you should have to do when it comes to your life.
Ladies, you have a really hard decision to make if you are aggravated like this every day. You might have a pit of disgust sitting in your stomach right now because you hate every…little…thing that he does. You complain to your girlfriends, your family members or your bedroom wall (you know who you are). You do things that aren’t normal for you, act out when that’s not your character, lash out at people who have nothing to do with your problem. At times, you may not even know who you are anymore.
In some cases, it may mean it’s time to throw in the towel and let that man-child go but in other cases, this is a situation that can easily be solved. So ask yourself this question: Do you want to stay in your relationship?
Do you hear yourself saying things like:
“But, we’ve been together for so long.”
“But, I really love him.”
“But, I’m over 30 and don’t want to start again.”
Enough excuses! If you’re staying with a man for any other reason than the fact that you truly love him (quote #2), then you need to cut your losses and Let. Him. Go.
But if you want to salvage your relationship and go back to being the happier, more pleasant you… it’s time to figure out how to detox!Ditch the negativity and detoxify the love affair between you two. Click To Tweet
You can start by following this 3-step detox method which will put your bitching ways behind for good (and I say that in the most kindest way possible!).
3 Ways to detoxify your relationship
1. Get A Gratitude Journal
Complaining takes a lot of energy, and I mean a lot! You have to furrow your eyebrows (don’t test the “black don’t crack” theory), project your voice and have to refold the laundry you put away in anger. And as a woman, you set the mood and tone for everyone else in your home. If you’re agitated, frustrated and upset, everyone else will be agitated too. Protect your sanity!
Get a small journal or notepad and write down the things that you are grateful to your lover. Did he watch “Baggage Claim” with you for the hundredth time because it’s your favorite movie? Acknowledge the good things and you’ll be better for it.
If you’re still with the dude, he can’t be all bad (and if he is… RUN!).Focus on the great things he’s done for you if he’s really a keeper. Click To Tweet
Take out time from your day to focus on the good and cleanse out those bad vibes.
2. Stay Away From People Who May Be Sabotaging Your Relationship
Important to Note: A lot of women become isolated from their friends or family when they meet a man with very controlling behavior.
Now… I’m not talking about getting rid of all your friends and family who are genuinely concerned about your wellbeing. I’m talking about the heifers and haters. Your man’s ex-girlfriends or your ex-boyfriends who keep sniffing around and sabotaging your relationship. Some of your ‘friends’ who are quick to hop on the train and dog your man about his shortcomings every time you get angry. Include family in on this because they do it, too!
Sometimes it’s not good to always have an ‘amen’ person in your corner to agree with everything you say. You need people who sincerely want you to be happy to listen to your vents and give you positive advice on how to solve your problems without making it worse by bashing your man! That will only make you more angry and crazy.
And then let’s talk about baggage… Some of the complaining you’re doing may even come from insecurities about the thots who can’t get over the fact that your man has moved on. Do you compare yourself to his exes or other people vying for attention in his life? If he’s never given you a reason to be insecure, don’t create one!
And as for the people popping noise as soon as they get the chance to bash you and your relationship… they don’t want to see you happy. If they did, they wouldn’t be so quick to harp on the bad. This is not going to help you and your relationship. So detoxify and flush those people out of your life!
3. Talk to Him
This means having a rational conversation when you’re done with your laundry tantrum. While you’re cleaning your dirty clothes, it might be a good time to clean out your issues with him too.
Nagging doesn’t exist. It doesn’t. “Nagging” is just used when men don’t like your tone or your timing.
Don’t talk when you’re frustrated because it won’t come out right. With men, HOW you say what you say is sometimes even more important than WHAT you say. Unless you have a real man-child, he doesn’t want to be talked down to. He’s a leader and he wants respect (as do you) so you’ve got to come correct if you want to be heard.
So have that conversation and make it abundantly clear that you are having some issues in the relationship that you would like to see changed. Then, turn it to him. What things would he like to see you change? He may just surprise you.
You don’t only detoxify your relationship you’re also creating a way to make it stronger.
Check out my blog post, Overcome Relationship Obstacles and Stay Strong Together for an added dose of relationship advice.
You know what to do—leave your comment below.