Chapter 2: Alice in Gangland 2

By the time the wheels of the plane touched down, I was already regretting the trip back home.

It was barely morning when I stepped off that plane, but my heart had been wide awake for hours. Beating like it knew something I hadn’t let myself admit yet.

I didn’t pack a bag. Just grabbed my keys, caught a red-eye, and landed in my own city like a ghost haunting her old life.

Part of me hoped Jay would be torn apart, sick with heartbreak over what happened between us.  Another part hoped he wouldn’t. I didn’t know which part I trusted more.

The city looked different in the dark. Quieter. Like it was holding its breath for me. Like it knew this wasn’t just a pop-up. It was a reckoning. A line I couldn’t uncross once I stepped over it.

The last time a move like this was pulled, it was Jay who surprised me. Standing outside my spot like he had a right to be there. Demanding explanations for why I was still in Gangland.

So now, I was just returning the favor.

Maybe it was petty. Maybe it was overdue. All I knew was, if I didn’t face this, I couldn’t focus. And I needed focus right now more than I needed anything else.

He’d been blowing up my phone for days. Texting like love was a weapon and I was the one who pulled the trigger on him when he was the one who started the whole thing. He didn’t know how to be still with his pain. He needed someone else to hold it. And that someone was always me.

But not this time.

This time, I wasn’t here to carry anything for him. I was here to drop something off. Closure, maybe. Truth, definitely. Either way, it would be the last thing I ever gave him. Maybe we wouldn’t be apart forever, but we would definitely be separated for now.

As I pulled up outside his building, my chest tightened. Not from fear. From clarity.

No matter what happened on the other side of that door, I already knew what I had to do.

*

I stood outside Jay’s apartment door with my nerves humming like low voltage. My hand was still on the doorbell when it opened.

I didn’t even get to knock before the door swung open.

And that’s when I saw her.

She was standing there in one of his T-shirts—my man’s shirt—face still flushed with a post-sex afterglow, silk wrap tugged low on her forehead like she didn’t expect company this early. Her skin glistened with sweat, her legs bare, and her lips... slightly swollen.

She wasn’t ready for me.

“Oh shit,” she breathed, eyes bulging like she’d just seen the Grim Reaper in Louboutins.

I tilted my head, taking her in with a slow, dangerous blink.

“Oh shit is right.”

“Ali?” Jay’s voice came fumbling down the hallway, panicked. A second later, he skidded into view: shirtless, barefoot, hair twisted and wild like he’d just climbed out of a woman’s body. Not mine.

As soon as he saw me, his face dropped. “Oh my God. What are you doing here?”

My laugh cut sharp through the air. “Nah. That’s my question. What the hell is she doing here? And why the hell is she answering your door in your T-shirt at eight in the damn morning?”

The girl took a step back like she’d realized she was still on stage and the curtains had dropped.

Jay rushed forward, like he could block the truth with his body.

“Ali, wait. I didn’t know you were coming back—why didn’t you tell me? You weren’t supposed to—”

“You’ve been texting me how much you missed me. Right?” I cut him off, voice hard. “It looks to me like you’ve been doing just fine.”

“It’s not what you think.”

I barked a dry laugh. “She’s wearing your shirt, Jay.”

“Just let me explain—”

“Explain?” I stepped inside and slammed the door behind me. “Yeah. Let’s hear it. Let’s hear why the man I gave everything to—my time, my trust, my loyalty—got lonely and decided to spread the legs of the next bitch.”

His face twisted. “Don’t say it like that—”

“How should I say it then?” My voice cracked. “Should I say that you got so insecure, so bitter about not being my first priority, that you decided to take what you needed, consequences be damned?”

The girl stepped up, looking anxiously between us. “Ali—”

“No,” I snapped, pointing at the woman. “You don’t get to speak yet. Besides, don’t I know you from somewhere?”

She opened her mouth like she wanted to lie.

I squinted, thinking, digging.

Then it hit me.

“You were at Molly’s,” I said slowly. “You sat across from me. At the bar.”

Her jaw locked. A flicker of panic crossed her face.

I turned to Jay. “She was in Gangland.”

Jay went still.

“Wait… You knew she was there?”

He didn’t speak, but the look in his eyes said it all. That’s when it all became clear.

“That’s how you knew what my tattoo meant. That’s how you knew when to pop up, where to find me. She’s been feeding you information.”

“She was sent in to help. And then, after Blue—” he started, but seemed to lose his words for a moment. “I just thought it would be good if you had someone else out there and I couldn’t go, of course.”

I narrowed my eyes. “So you sent your secret side bitch?”

“It’s not like that. It just happened.” He was scrambling to make things make sense. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“Because you wanted it all. Because you’re selfish and that’s what selfish people do,” I hissed. “You can’t bear to be alone so you used her weak ass—” The girl bristled at my words, but just hung her head. “—and it gave you access to me. And clearly, you’ve been enjoying it for a while.”

He flinched. I saw the answer all in his face.

“How long, Jay?”

He opened his mouth, closed it. Then finally, with a shrug that made me want to hit something, he mumbled, “It’s been about a few months.”

My stomach dropped.

“Months?” I repeated, barely above a whisper. “So before I even left.”

“You left me emotionally way before that,” he said, eyes flashing. “You were already gone. I was just playing catch up. And she... she was there.”

“So this was about you needing to feel wanted?” I asked, stepping closer. “Needing to feel like a man again? I was supposed to shrink myself so your ego could stay fed?”

“I felt like I didn’t matter to you anymore!”

“And instead of being honest, you played me. Slept with her. Let her spy on me. Then you popped up like you were helping me out because I lost focus? You didn’t just cheat on me, Jay. You compromised my entire mission. My life.”

“We haven’t slept together though,” he stammered. “She’s not—nothing happened, I swear.”

I stepped into the foyer, just enough to make them both uncomfortable. “You really about to stand here and lie to my face?”

Jay looked at her, then at me, panicked. “Okay, listen. It just—it got complicated. I didn’t know where we stood. You weren’t answering. You’d been gone for months. And she was there—”

I snapped. “And you were weak.”

Jay winced like I’d slapped him. “You don’t understand. You were all about your missions. The Bureau. Gangland. It was like I didn’t even exist to you anymore.”

“You knew what this was,” I said, my voice rising. “You knew what I had to do. I asked you to support me and instead, you gave me ultimatums. And when I didn’t fold, you moved on.”

He swallowed hard, guilt written all over his face.

I looked at the girl again. Her arms were crossed now, like she was trying to shrink into the corner.

I blinked. “I can’t believe this. Just replaced me like I was nothing.”

“Jessica wasn’t in Gangland to replace you, Ali.”

“Oh, but she did, didn’t she?” I laughed bitterly. “In the field. And in your bed.”

The hoe, now known as Jessica, started gathering her things quickly, and then attempted to slide past Jay toward the door. Her shame covered her face like a veil. It was all fun and games secretly thinking that you were winning at something until you had to face the real champion face-to-face.

I was her superior in every way—in career, morals, and standards, self-respect—hell, everything. And it was clear that she knew that when she couldn’t even force herself to meet my eyes as she tried to walk by.

But I couldn’t even blame her for everything. She was young and naive. A lot of her actions were based on Jay being able to manipulate her into doing it.

“You don’t have to leave,” I told her calmly. “I’m leaving.”

She paused mid-step. “I… I just—I don’t want to…”

I placed my hand up to stop her. She was reaching so hard for the right words to say that a second longer of forcing it might have caused her to stroke out.

“You got him, girl. I’m done with him so you can have the whole man now,” I added, brushing past the both of them. “You can have him to yourself. Just know what you’re getting: A half-ass man with a bruised ego who will sell you out the second you don’t make him feel like he’s the sun in your sky.”

I didn’t wait for either of them to say anything else.

Because in that moment, it was crystal clear that Jay wasn’t the man I thought he was. He wasn’t the partner I needed. He wasn’t even half of what I thought I could build with.

He was weak.

He was convenient.

And now he was hers.

“Ali, wait.”

I stopped at the door, but didn’t turn around.

“I know I messed up, but I was trying to help. You were in too deep. I thought maybe if I got more info—if Jessica gave me more info that I could use to help you—then you could get pulled out before—”

I whipped around. “So you betrayed me... to help me? Is that what you’re saying?”

He nodded like it was noble. Like it was justifiable.

I stared at him with new eyes and shook my head. I wasn’t just looking at him this time. I was looking into him and I could see exactly who he was. A fraud.

That’s the scariest kind of man, I thought as I glared at him. The kind who will destroy you and swear it was love.

I walked out the door, my fury curling in my chest. But I didn’t scream. Definitely didn’t cry. I was done trying to make space at tables built on lies.

Let them both have each other, I thought, mentally leaving behind the entire situation.

I had bigger things to deal with.

My anger over the betrayal provided me the fuel I needed to stop playing small.

I didn’t even make it to the elevator before my feet picked up into a full-blown stride. I hit the garage with tunnel vision, eyes zeroed in on my car like it was a weapon and I had just been cleared to fire.

The engine roared to life and I peeled out of that parking lot, tearing down the road.

Jay was weak. That was his crime. But Kelly knew better.

She’d sent another agent into Gangland after Blue was murdered—without giving me so much as a heads-up. Someone who knew my face. Who knew my field name. Who was sleeping with my ex, feeding him information while I didn’t even know was being watched. That kind of exposure could’ve cost me everything.

The streetlights blurred past as I sped down the road, weaving through traffic like it was a video game.

I had one more person I needed to pop up on. And this time, I wasn’t coming with questions. I had a few things I needed to set straight.

Click here for Chapter Three.