I didn’t intend to hurt you.
Monogamy isn’t natural.
Whateva cos you weren’t meeting my needs!
Infidelity has become something of the norm in society and is not taken as seriously as it should be. Many women–and men –have experienced infidelity in their relationships. Which has often been met with some bull about an “accident” – although I don’t know how following a complete stranger to their apartment and getting butt-naked in their bedroom is the same as spilling a glass of orange juice on the kitchen table…mmmm.
Infidelity has also been deemed as ‘normal’ to some who think that humans were naturally made to have more than one sexual partner at a time (cough, cough, sounds convenient, cough). Or even the messed-up way the GUILTY party tries to play it off on you “Well if YOU were doing [literally everything you have been doing] I wouldn’t have needed to go elsewhere” (I’m literally gagging).
And this is just the physical cheating!
Society’s perception of cheating does not delve down deeper into the many twisted and painful ways infidelity can creep into a relationship. It doesn’t take you having sexual contact outside of your relationship to be unfaithful. Click To Tweet Infidelity is a sensitive and complex issue that affects everyone in different ways. The problem is, people are so wrapped up in the “It’s not like I had sex with the girl” line (thank you Queen Bey) that they can’t see the damage they are doing to their relationships.
Did you catch my other post about cheating? You can read it here: Your Friend Is Cheating – Should You Tell?
So, let’s go through the various forms of cheating that could be destroying your relationship from the inside out. Fun fact: some forms don’t even involve another person…
Surprise, surprise, being physically intimate with someone who is not your partner or spouse is cheating. But, even a category as simple as physical cheating still has some grey areas. What “level” do you decide that cheating is cheating? Having a playfight with someone else on the floor is cheating to some people, “This ain’t WWE, get off of her!”. Or how about when they kissed someone else but assured you, they pulled away and promised it wouldn’t happen again. Or is your level watching your man have babies with a side chick but flipping tables when said side chick announces they married your man (Tara and Amina anyone?). What are you willing to accept?
My next book release covers some of these areas of infidelity!
Emotional cheating may begin as an innocent friendship. Eventually, an emotional cheater finds themselves intimately confiding their thoughts, hopes, and dreams with another person that would usually be reserved for their partner or spouse. This can be even more devastating than physical cheating because the cheater’s heart may already belong to another person. Some couples in relationships set boundaries with how much contact they have with outside friends. Is discussing your relationship issues with a friend of the opposite sex appropriate? Or talking on the phone with them into the early hours of the evening? Or telling them news about your new promotion or family matters before you tell the person you are in a committed and loving relationship with? You better think, think, think ‘bout what you tryin’ to do.
‘It’s goin’ down in the DMs’ is not the kind of mindset anyone in a committed relationship should have. We all love a ‘good’ cheating scandal when it breaks – especially on social media. Tristan Thompson caught cheating on a heavily pregnant Khloe Kardashian on camera. Kevin Hart apologizing on Instagram after being caught cheating on Eniko Parrish. We’ve even come to demonize another group of women online with the term ‘InstaThot’. I mean, come on! These celebrity scandals are not funny in the very least – or they wouldn’t be if it were YOU playing the starring role and it was your man who had cheated. Simply messaging another person on social media when you are in a relationship is still cheating. It doesn’t matter if you choose not to act on it later. The intention was there to cheat. Click To Tweet Cybercheating can also consist of watching pornography in secret or talking with someone on a dating app. It doesn’t even have to be physical with another individual – sliding right is cheating.
Sexual fantasies are a ‘no, no’ honey – we can’t build our dreams on suspicious minds. People always joke about your ‘hall pass.’ That person who you think you would never get a chance with but your significant other wouldn’t mind if you hooked up with them if you did have the chance. That may be innocent to some and not so innocent to others. What if the person you are having sexual fantasies about is your co-worker, neighbor, or one of your close friends of the opposite sex? Your partner definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable with a ‘hall pass’ then! Be respectful in your relationship; I’m sure you wouldn’t want your partner fantasizing about someone else when they are with you. These ‘innocent’ daydreams can lead to dishonest behavior – in the words of Cardi B “be careful.”
Hiding your spending habits from your other half can be a form of infidelity. Most of the time, this happens when the expenses affect both people in the relationship, but one person insists on hiding their spending activity from their partner. Did you help your family member out financially without telling your spouse? Did you lend money to a friend who your partner has clearly stated in the past is just taking advantage of you? Or, did you buy your mother a new car when you and your partner have been saving for one of your own for the past couple of years? Whatever is in the dark will come to light, so make sure you stay honest about your finances.
These are some of the most common forms of cheating that take place in relationships. If at any point, you feel as though you no longer want to participate in a relationship – LEAVE. No-one wants or needs false hope, infidelity or to be the only person trying in a relationship. And, if you have any inkling that some… Click To TweetIf your partner or spouse is unwilling to see how their actions are hurting you, then you may need to decide what YOU are willing to take in a relationship. No one is irreplaceable.
What are your thoughts on these different ‘categories’ of cheating? Do you agree with them? Let me know in the comments.