“I’m shy… that’s all”.
“You’re too independent. I can’t do nothin’ for ya”.
“You’re too strong for your own good!”
Excuses on top of more excuses. You’ve probably heard them a dozen times from different guys. You could have gotten some of this advice from your girlfriends. You might have even told yourself some of this crap. But the bottom line is this. If a man is not putting in the effort to pursue you it’s because he’s not that into you. I repeat – he’s just NOT that into you.
“But he’s shy! I can just start all of our conversations or chase him”. Nope.
“Maybe if I pretend I can’t pay for things or act dumber than usual.” Nope.
“If I just chill a little on some of my opinions than maybe…” Heck. No.
He just doesn’t like YOU girl. And you KNOW he doesn’t because men love the chase. They crave it. They love to pursue the women they LOVE. Men also like being the initiators in a relationship. Since the dawn of time, it’s always been this way “You…Mine” – very simple! It’s in our DNA and something that isn’t going to change just because we’re in the 21st century now. If he’s not calling you, not replying to your messages nor bothering to seek you out – then take a hint! He’s not that into you.
The moment when a man realizes that you are the woman for him, nothing will keep him away (and we’re talking a HEALTHY kind of pursuing – not the Stevie J kind). That’s not to say we sit around and wait like damsels in distress for a knight in shining armor. We’re talking about that awkward situation we women find ourselves in when we fall head over heels for a guy. We write his name on napkins at work. We smile whenever we hear his name. And, we keep checking our phones to see if he’s texted or called. Only to find out that we’re in love with someone who doesn’t love us at all, or who loves us and is not willing to do anything about it.
Now, now, some of you may be thinking “things aren’t that cut and dry – people have stuff going on in their lives”. He could be a single dad, be overwhelmed with raising his kids and isn’t as available to you because they are his first priority. He could be taking care of a sick relative and not be as accessible because he’s very hands-on with their care. Or guess what…he could be the King of Wakanda and is too busy being an Avenger to take you out to dinner. If he wants to spend time with you – he will. If he wants to talk to you – he will find a way. If he wants you to be his wife – he’ll ask you. A good man will not let excuses get in the way of loving you and treating you the way you deserve to be treated.A good man will not let excuses get in the way of loving you and treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Click To Tweet
If he’s hesitating when you try to schedule in a date night. If he’s ignoring you for days and weeks at a time only to come back with a “what’s up?”. Or if he’s not wanting to share anything about himself or his personal life. These are all actions to demonstrate that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Brace yourself ladies…
…He doesn’t want you.
Men are fairly simple creatures and they don’t say things with hidden meanings, implied opinions and reverse psychology. What you see with a brother, is what you get with a brother. And that isn’t going to change. You can be the world’s best cook. You can wear your hair any way he likes. You can wear skirts or dresses 2 inches below the thang. But in the end, it won’t matter. Men are really simple at expressing their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When they want something, they get tunnel vision and go after it. They don’t have to take forever to think things through over and over. And, they don’t make excuses for it. Period.Men are really simple at expressing their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When they want something, they get tunnel vision and go after it. Click To Tweet
So what can you do to mitigate the risk of falling for someone who doesn’t love you?
Ask for What You Want
You should never be in a situation where you believe that you can’t ask a guy for what you want or need in a relationship. This is your right! For example, if you would like communication done over the phone rather than through text message – ask! Men are not mind-readers and it’s not fair to punish a man when you haven’t communicated your expectations clearly. If he chooses to ignore your wants and needs, he doesn’t think they are worthy enough of being adhered to. And you have to decide whether you find that acceptable or not.
Know your worth enough to walk away if it is as a clear as Blue Ivy being Jay Z’s daughter that this guy doesn’t want to commit. Don’t be begging for scraps of attention and decency. You need to know when to walk away from a situation no matter how much it may hurt. You’ll find the man who deserves your whole heart and ‘struggle love’ is not something that should be the norm.
You might want to check out one of my blog posts: Focus on you, love you…first!
There are some days where you’ll just feel like crying and hiding away from the world. Others where you beat yourself up for falling for someone who had no intention of loving you back. Or feeling stupid for not seeing the signs because you were so in love with the idea of being in love. Cry all your tears out (it may take some time), learn how to smile when you hear his name and don’t go back to him.
When you find the right man for you – he will never risk losing you. He will not play with your feelings, he will always return your calls and he will inspire you.When you find the right man for you – he will never risk losing you. He will not play with your feelings, he will always return your calls and he will inspire you. Click To Tweet
It’s that simple.
What do you think? Let me know in the comments