What’s the difference between rape now and rape when we were growing up? Not a damned thing. We are always told to tell someone if a guy crosses the line, but then made to feel like absolute crap for admitting we were victims. We are made to question everything, from taking the blame to the myth that it wasn’t actually raped because we were on a date with him. Enough already. If you have to stop and wonder if it was rape, here’s a clue: it was.
Here’s another quiz for you: rape by a stranger is different than being forced to have sex with someone you know. You better have answered “false” to this one. It is never ok for a man to make you do anything you don’t want to do, whether it is physically forced or emotionally forced by coercion. It doesn’t matter if it’s an ex-boyfriend, a new date, or a husband. Being violated is being violated, as surely as being raped by a stranger in a parking lot.Rape by a stranger is no different from being forced to have sex with someone you know. Click To Tweet
We blame ourselves when we change our minds after things get out of control. No matter what your history is with someone, he has no right to push you past your comfort zone. Girls, you are allowed to say “not tonight, pal.” Don’t let him bully you or pressure you. Chances are that even if you allow him to take it in a direction you don’t want to go, it will be painful and embarrassing before, during and after.
Sex is supposed to be fun, beautiful, a freeing experience. It’s never supposed to feel dirty, cheap, or forced. You should never feel unsafe or afraid of the situation, and If a sexual encounter left you feeling violated or victimized, guess what? You were raped.Sex is supposed to be fun, beautiful, a freeing experience. It’s never supposed to feel dirty, cheap, or forced. Click To Tweet
Want to hear a sobering statistic? 98 seconds. Every 98 seconds in the US someone is raped. Rape is rape, whether it’s in a back alley or on own couches with men we thought cared about us.
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Rape culture emboldens some men. They place the blame for sexual assault on the female. She was wearing revealing clothing, out at a bar, or “leading him on.” Enough of the BS. No means no. It doesn’t mean “maybe, but only because I’m wearing a tight skirt” or “sure, because I let myself drink a little too much tonight.”
Why do we have such a hard time differentiating between what is or isn’t rape? Probably because deep down inside, we are in denial. Maybe because we have been led to believe that in some way, it was our fault. Or maybe because we have been taught that rape is something that happens to other women, by strangers, in parking lots or in the woods. An aggressive date? A pushy husband? A threatening ex? “Boys will be boys.” Again, I call BS.
Be sure to read my blog about abuse: Domestic Abuse – Love shouldn’t hurt
If a sexual situation has left you feeling vulnerable, victimized and violated, it’s not ok. If you are wondering if it was rape, or if you are trying to justify the encounter, stop. It was rape. If a sexual encounter wasn’t completely consensual from start to finish, it was rape. Whether the guy was a family member, a friend, an ex, or a date, and no matter what sexual history you may have shared with him; if you have to ask yourself if it was rape, chances are, it was.If a sexual situation has left you feeling vulnerable, victimized and violated, it’s not ok. Click To Tweet
And rape, my friends, is never, never ok.