You deserved it you two-bit whore.
You made me do it, I saw you staring – are you sleeping with him?
Maybe if you had my dinner done right. Go, get some ice!
One thing I can tell ya is, if he’s hit you once, he WILL do it again. Of course, there will be the apologies, the excuses, and the reasons. You can imagine it right now.
The red haze.
He didn’t know any better.
You “made” him do it, but he “forgives” you.
Please.
And of course you may be thinking:
Maybe if we just bring God in…? NO!
Maybe if I stop hanging with…? NO!
Maybe if I stop wearing…? NO!
Stop the madness! You don’t need to stay in an abusive relationship.
Unfortunately, the prevailing abuse we see in our urban fiction novels are strewn all over our headlines too. Click To Tweet
Rihanna’s battered face after Chris Brown thumped her.
Allegations about Tamar and Vince have been swirling around for a minute now, honey.
And eeeeek, cover my ears! Nas and Kelis – say it ain’t so!
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There’s also a disproportionate number of black women staying in these abusive relationships compared with any other race. We’re gonna dive deep into the top 3 reasons why women stay and why, in particular, black women do (Yep, we’re not gonna sugarcoat anything here!).
Top 3 reasons women put up with domestic abuse:
- Fear
For some women, you don’t want to be alone, and you don’t know if you’ll ever find someone else again. You’re scared of ending up being a 61-year-old virgin like LeToya Jackson.
You don’t know how you’ll survive because he handles all of the finances. What if you try to leave and he kills you?
- Charm
Sometimes you catch yourself remembering what it was like at the start. He’ll say or do something that’ll make it seem ‘not all that bad’ anymore. You think, ‘maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion?’
- Children
That scene in Tyler Perry’s ‘For Colored Girls’ will forever be etched into my mind.
What if he stops you from seeing your kids or worse, if he takes it out on them?
Now, top 3 reasons black women stay in abusive relationships:
- Racism or Sexism – What’cha gon’ choose?
Within your own relationship, you’re choosing between protecting yourself as a woman or supporting your man who’s being beat down by the system. Look alive sista!
You’re getting beat down too. Get gone!
- Our Communities
Heaven forbid this gets out! “Why’re you trying to make him look bad in front of white people?” Forget them.
- You Feel Like It’s Your Only Option
Hello, call the police!
But, how do we do that if we don’t trust them? Getting arrested for staying in your own Air BnB. And, what consequences will you face when he finds out you called for help…
Domestic abuse themes are prevalent in our novels because they’re awfully just as prevalent in our own lives. And, let’s not get it twisted, a lot of men suffer from abuse at the hands of women. And, for a black man? Well, that’s a whole other article.
The most important thing is for you to feel safe with the person you love. Click To Tweet
I would love to know your thoughts about this, please let me know below!
8 Comments
I have a cousin who is going through an abusive relationship and it has been happening for years. Just recently I found out that now the abuse has turned towards their daughter. No matter how much we try to get them away from him they always go back to him. I don’t know what to do or say to them.
There are so many deep psychological effects of abuse that lead to the victim being afraid to leave. I would encourage you to continue to be supportive, let her know that you’re there for her if and when she needs help and also try to help her see the danger she’s putting herself and her daughter in. Make sure to protect yourself as well! It’s touch knowing exactly how involved you should be but this situation could quickly become very dangerous. Check in with her as much as you can!
Sadly, I have lived through domestic abuse, but I survived. I can’t say why I remained in that abusive and ugly situation. There is just no one reason why. Honestly, I had lost so much of myself i my marriage. I stopped loving myself, and I didn’t believe I deserved better. I thought his abuse was love. Perhaps, this could be the reason why most women keep it hidden.
That is DEFINITELY one of the reasons that so many women stay. Your self-esteem takes a huge hit when you’re in an abusive relationship. I’m so happy that you found a way out. ❤️
I FEEL sorry for the women who stay and put up with domestic violence. It is easy for us to say OH you should get out but then we are not living in these people shoes. If you ever find the courage to leave and still be stalked what then. No love should not hurt and people should be able to walk away without fear or still get hurt. I hope someone somewhere will come up with a solution to this problem.
Responses like yours are helpful. ❤ You never know who is reading and who will be inspired to get out of an abusive relationship.
I always wonder why women stay in abusive relationships. I feel it’s easier to say what you won’t do when you’re not in that situation. I always see people say love doesn’t hurt but does it…
Yes, when you’re in the situation you have a lot of different emotions… Sometimes you just don’t know how you’re going to react to a situation until you’re in it!