“Congratulations on the new promotion! I think everyone got one this year though.”
“It’s so great that you got to travel to Europe but…you should have gone to a better city.”
“I know you’re excited, but don’t get your hopes up!”
Do you ever wonder why your friend is always putting you down, belittling you or being unsupportive? They always have something bad to say and give a kind of grimace when you tell them your good news. The same type of awkward smile you got when your friend confessed to blocking up your toilet at your last dinner party. In the name of TLC, we have a ‘Case of the Fake People’.
These fake and jealous people may have been around you for years and you haven’t even realized it yet. They are tricky to spot but here are 5 top things that you can use for a start:
1. They keep using the word ‘unfair’
“Oh my god! You got engaged – that’s SO unfair. I’ve been in a longer relationship, take some time to think about this girl”. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a new job or you’re making positive changes in your life, the person will keep throwing around the word ‘unfair’. It’s difficult for your friend to understand that you’ve risen to a new level and they want to keep you down so that they feel you’re not moving too ahead of them.These fake and jealous people may have been around you for years and you haven’t even realized it yet. They are tricky to spot but here are 5 top things that you can use for a star. Click To Tweet
2. They’re always negative
Every time you’re around them, they love to complain, complain, complain. It’s like living with Squidward from ‘Spongebob Squarepants’. They love to give their opinion on everything that can go wrong and rarely offer any solutions or a helping hand. They’re the kind of people who will discourage you from college or job applications because: “You’d never get it anyway!”.
3. They’re very insecure
Insecurities plague everyone…but, these fakers are something special. They like to project their own insecurities onto you. This can cover so many facets of your life. There was a story of a woman putting weight-gain substances in her sisters’ breakfast smoothies so that she would look the thinnest on her wedding day (start making your own breakfast when your friends stay over).
4. They act fake when you tell them good news
Just picture everyone’s face in Love and Hip Hop when Lyrica announced her pregnancy. Yeah, if you see THOSE looks on anyone – they’re fake. It’s the limpness in their hands when they toast you a drink or the smile on their face that doesn’t quite reach their eyes. You should be able to feel the genuine emotion from your friends when they celebrate your triumphs.Just picture everyone’s face in Love and Hip Hop when Lyrica announced her pregnancy. Yeah, if you see THOSE looks on anyone - they're fake. Click To Tweet
5. They ghost you when you need them
You were there on the kitchen floor holding them when their wig order got messed up, and they got a 22-inch instead of a 32-inch (life is canceled). But, when your car broke down and you needed a ride to Church, they asked you to “pray on it” while they drove past you in the rain.
Alright, alright. So now, we know what the dreaded signs of jealousy and fakery are. But, what do we do with the information once we recognize that some of the people closest to us are acting fake or jealous?Alright, alright. So now, we know what the dreaded signs of jealousy and fakery are. But, what do we do with the information once we recognize that some of the people closest to us are acting fake or jealous? Click To Tweet
Firstly, we can have a conversation with them where we communicate our feelings. This doesn’t mean we launch an all-out attack on how we’ve interpreted their behavior. They’re your friend and there’s a reason you stayed in the friendship even after the 22-inch wig breakdown of ’09 and you recovered from the cold you caught in the rain.
Take some time to ask them how they are. You’d be surprised as to how simple an issue can be resolved just by paying attention to those around you who you love. Next, you could try connecting with them about your own personal struggles. Have you ever felt like someone had it all together (cough, cough, Olivia Pope) and you just felt like you’ve been struggling a lot? Have some empathy and share your personal struggles. Oftentimes, vulnerability can be met with vulnerability and you can both learn from each other.
Lastly, set some boundaries with your friend. If you know there are some soft subjects that can be a point of contention in your friendship – agree to disagree. If you’re always talking about how great your work life is with a friend who’s been laid off for months…it might not be the best idea.
“Okay, so I had the conversation and they called me a hater. Then I told them some vulnerable stories and they shared it with other people and publicly humiliated me. And the cherry on top of this fakery sundae is…they keep overstepping MY boundaries and talking about my vulnerabilities on purpose to make me feel bad about myself. Some great advice…NOT!”
Now, if you find yourself in the situation above, in the name of Toni Braxton “Let It Flow”.
It’s hard, but sometimes friendships are only supposed to last for a season. You both got what you needed from the friendship and now it’s time to move on because it’s stopped serving you. Always fight for your friends and for those you love – this includes yourself. Never betray yourself or your needs for someone else. If you need positive people around you, then reduce the interaction you have with this friend and surround yourself with more positive people. The kind who uplift you and make you believe there are great things coming your way.
Get involved in other activities so that you fill in the time you used to spend with your friend. Practice that new recipe you always wanted to try, join a class at your local gym or start a book club. Most importantly, you have got to stay consistent. Remember when Nene said she was done with Kim for…. the twenty-third time on Real Housewives?!
We don’t want a re-hash of past BS. If you decide to leave the friendship in the past – leave it there and move on to greater things!
Have you had to (or are you still dealing) with a fake friend? How do you handle them? What do you think the underlying reason is why they act like this’
Let me know in the comments!