Every relationship has those moments.
It’s not about forgetting to pick up the groceries or about who you’ll both be having Sunday dinner with this week.
And, it’s definitely not about your mother-in-law.
Okay, back to the point.
Every relationship has those moments where you end up having to give a little more than you’re prepared to in order to make it work. Those moments where it’s all about compromise.
And this is something a lot of couples struggle with. Full disclosure: this is something I struggle with! As a woman who prides myself on my own independence and sung Webbie’s ‘I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T’ to the top of my lungs as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning, it’s always been a struggle for me to step back and learn to compromise.
When you’re a businesswoman who is used to calling the shots and getting things done with very little input from others, it’s hard to take all that off once you come home.
But there is hope!
Below are 4 rules I’ve created for you to slay your compromise game in your relationship.
1. Make a List of Your Priorities
Know the ultimate things which you are not willing to concede on and be able to communicate this with your bae. At the same time, don’t be a greedy heifer! Have a list of things that you are willing to be flexible on. And don’t just hold the list and declare that you’re willing to be flexible. You have to actually be flexible when the time comes. That’s the trick.
Importantly, you have got to listen to what your partner has to say about their non-negotiables too. The worst thing to do would be to ignore their priorities when they are just as important as yours.
2. Avoid the Compromise Conversation When You Are Still Angry
If you’re still having any of these thoughts,
That, no good son-of-a-b-…
Get me my Vaseline.
Girl, he triiiiiieeeeeedddddd it!
You’re probably still upset about your argument or the situation that just went down.
With your emotions running wild, you’re not in the right headspace to have a constructive conversation. Take some time to be calm and open so you can react warmly and positively. Your delivery is just as important as what you have to say. If it doesn’t come out the right way, it won’t be received and you’ll just be even more upset and ready to go off once the conversation is over.
3. Make It A 50/50 Partnership
Remember, keep it 50/50. For whatever you expect your partner to offer up in the compromise – you need to be ready for it too girl!
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And in some cases, it may even be 70/30 where you feel like you’re giving more but know that, if you’re with the right man, the day will come when he’s the one giving the 70 because you’ve only got 30. We all have those days where we need a little more patience and care than normal but if love is in the equation, things will level up soon.There needs to be a real balance working between the two of you. Click To Tweet
You have to prove to your man that you can be just as understanding about his feelings. This may seem hard to imagine in a world where the Creep Squad (I shuddered just then) are still going strong but, there are some of you ladies out there with men who would be willing to do almost anything for you.
At the very foundation of a great relationship, every man just wants his woman to be happy. He may not know exactly how to make that happen but he’s trying… just the same way that you want him to be happy. No one wants to be miserable and the quickest way to be miserable is to have a miserable partner. You have to put the work in to stop this from happening!
4. There Is No Shame in Getting Help
It may be the case where you have tried all of the above, and you keep hitting that brick wall. You could bring a trusted third-party into the mix to try and get both of your points of view.
This should be someone your T-R-U-S-T. Don’t bring anyone into your relationship who is toxic and wants it to end. I wouldn’t even go to family members because they never forget. Ever.
A key lesson to remember is this:
Compromise should never feel like a betrayal of yourself!
You should always leave a compromise feeling lighter, more fulfilled and at peace with how the situation resolved itself.Compromise should never feel like a betrayal of yourself. Click To Tweet
And remember, take it one step at a time.
Check out my other post, Is It Real Love If He’s Not Yours?
What are your thoughts on compromising in a relationship? Are you a pro at it? Let me know in the comments below!